How did this happen? People so far away from what brought them together, people so heavily undermined by work, distance, relationships, that they can’t find the time to tell each other how much they miss each other, how much they enjoy each other’s company.
What happened? When did I get so sick that I can’t bear the thought of stepping out of my apartment to meet someone? When did this become so permanent and self-aware that I’d rather avoid people than keep telling them how life has become for me? When did I become so disconnected it doesn’t even hurt anymore?
escharae 
I’ve noticed that disconnecting is a lot easier than you’d think…
It gets worse when you’re constantly dreading that they’ll ask you – just because it’s the catching-up-routine – about that thing you don’t want to talk about
There are times when I have to make a conscious effort to socialize and I’ve noticed connecting is almost like a muscle… if you keep at it, it becomes easier with time 🙂
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This sounds so painful. Can`t find words.
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Thanks for perfectly putting into words the disconnection that is so difficult to convey to others. We get so enveloped in survival and then realize we have disconnected from everything.
I hope you feel this hug I’m sending you.
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Survival mode is something that breaks your life into little pieces and places them in compartments that feel out of reach. I never thought I would experience it in such a way but I do. 😦
Thank you as always for your words and for your deeply felt hugs. 🙂
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Feeling your words so deeply. I’m sorry you are struggling so much.
I feel like the survival button has been stuck for so long… I feel like I’m on a far away shelf also.
xoo
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