I haven’t been around much, and I’m sure I’ve been missing some of your posts. Unfortunately, it wasn’t because I found a new job, the man of my dreams or went on a trip. It’s because I’ve been dealing with a lot lately.
First, I caught the flu before Easter. Three days with temperature were enough to set me back completely. Although after a week on the outside I displayed no more symptoms, I suspect on the inside it took a lot longer for my immune system to deal with it because my fatigue levels skyrocketed. And that’s bad because my normal fatigue levels are usually pretty high. The last three weekends were spent just sleeping. Couldn’t read, couldn’t write, couldn’t do anything for college. Continue reading
… and everything’s fine! 🙂
My liver, kidneys and white cells all high fived each other, and Tecfidera winked at them approvingly.
I think I’m gonna like my own post. 😀
In other news, I’m taking Escitalopram again for the third time since 2012. Guess I really suffer from chronic anxiety… Let’s hope this weight on my chest that doesn’t let me breathe in deep lifts so I can focus on how I’m going to work on this.
Because February was destined to be a bad month, I received some bad news on Monday that stirred up a lot of emotions. Continue reading
January was definitely a no-luck month for me. First there was that terrible cough that prevented me from sleeping for an entire week. Then my car was scheduled to go to the shop for some maintenance that wasn’t supposed to last more than two days. As it turned out, it lasted four days. Then I picked it up, and 10 days later it broke down (I couldn’t turn the wheel) so back it went to the shop. This time, the car was in there for a week and a half.
So why am I writing a post about my car? I mean, isn’t more ecological to ride the public transports or carpooling with a nice coworker?
Because when you have a debilitating illness like MS having a car makes a HUGE difference. Let’s see: Continue reading
One funny thing that’s been happening to me since I was diagnosed with MS is that I’ve been growing more and more intolerant to suffering. Not just me: I’ve noticed friends of mine who either also deal with chronic illness or who have been face to face with life threatening situations also tend to turn their backs more often at what’s making life a little unbearable, a little suffocating, a little boring, a little waste of time. Continue reading
There must be something wrong with me
‘Cause I kind of like the bruises
I gave it all and I could have given so much more
Tricking time, tricking memories, tricking stupors…
And I pretend you’re writing your name
Over aching limbs and long distances
Flooding me with the spaces between
Trials and errors, trials and errors…
And I pretend I can defeat
Long hours, needles and pills
And I just fall behind, no need to keep up
And I pretend I can breathe
There must be something wrong with me
I can’t trick I can’t defeat
I can’t connect I can’t breathe
I can’t pretend I can trust
I just remember you asked me to
The question I’ve been asked more frequently in recent weeks is whether I’ve heard from the hospital. This, while showing concern and interest, is beginning to feel like a burden for me. Continue reading
A 61-year-old painter. A 41-year-old runner. A 20-year-old dancer. With nothing much in common but the fact that they’ve all been diagnosed with MS.
But this short documentary is not about MS, about the disease process and how it affects millions of people in different ways. It’s about how you keep going, refusing to let go of who you are. It’s about resilience and willpower. And it’s beautiful.
As I’m nearing the end of my holidays, I can’t help but to think about how they went compared to my expectations.
I drove here with a heavy heart. Filled with loneliness, sorrow, completely lost. Feeling invisible to the world, immaterial. I couldn’t think because there was so much background noise back home. So much to deal with, to go through. My head was foggy, groggy, couldn’t focus. I hoped to be able to think a little more clearly. But I’m not sure I accomplished that goal. Continue reading
… to the holidays. I managed not to punch anyone in the process (especially co-workers) so that’s probably a good thing.
I’m also not feeling too bad health-wise – at least nothing unusual. I managed to drive for almost four hours under the heat without falling apart.
Small victories, right?
And here’s my reward. Continue reading