Having struggled with anxiety all my life, in September of 2012 I started suffering from what seemed like mild panic attacks. I had been diagnosed with MS nine months before and found out that Avonex not only wasn’t doing anything to prevent disease progression but it was also messing up my liver and thyroid. Plus, due to bureaucracies I had to wait before being able to move to another drug. My chest had begun to hurt, right where my heart is supposed to be, and when it hurt really bad I had trouble breathing. It even got to the point I wondered if I had heart problems. So I went to see my psychiatrist.
Now, I’m fairly open to taking suggestions and trying new things if that means there’s hope my symptoms will improve. But my psychiatrist just went: “I’m not going to prescribe you anything. You see, what you learn from a disease like MS is that you don’t really control anything in your life, so you shouldn’t worry so much.”
So I just spent 70 euros on “expert” advice that I could have heard from my mom, dad, boyfriend and closest friends… for free? Thanks, doc. What’s next? Telling me to smoke some weed?
I never saw him again. Found myself a new psychiatrist who listens and cares. She prescribed me Escitalopram and my chest never hurt again.
My mother suggested I saw an acupuncturist so off I went. I kept telling him about my fatigue, blurred vision and trouble sleeping but he didn’t seem to listen because all he wanted to treat was my legs, despite the fact that I stressed I had never had mobility issues. But that wasn’t the worst. One day, as I was telling him about my symptoms and some of my fears, he said there were a lot more complicated situations out there, and went on talking about the work he did with children with cancer.
Dear Mr Acupuncturist,
I’m not a total moron and I’m perfectly aware there is a lot of misery and suffering out there, and things that just don’t make sense and are just not fair. But since I hired you to see if there was anything you could do for me, can you at least for these sixty minutes focus on me? Then we can both go on worrying about people who are suffering more than me. I can even buy a “suffering meter” to see who qualifies.
And as if this wasn’t enough, I noticed my mother somehow knew about things I had never told her but had mentioned to him. Have you ever heard of confidentiality, Mr Acupuncturist? Privacy, maybe? Trust? I can’t even…
I went to see another neurologist to hear yet another opinion about all MS drugs available, their risks and benefits. As we were discussing second-line treatments, which heavily suppress many functions of your immune system, he said something as unbelievable as, “You needn’t worry about catching something like, let’s say, AIDS, ’cause you’re not gay.”
Dear universe, did I travel back in time and I’m in the 80s again? Am I speaking to a doctor or a religious fundamentalist? Should this person be practicing medicine? I’m puzzled.
I found out I have endometriosis. My gynecologist said, “We’re gonna need to operate as soon as possible. I’m going to schedule all the pre-op exams.”
I wasn’t happy about undergoing surgery, so I went for a second opinion. Doctor said “I’m not going to operate a 30 year-old who’s never had children and who has another condition like MS without at least trying some medication first.”
Bless you, doctor. Medication is working, my cyst is almost invisible now and my ovaries are still intact. You’ll always be my gynecologist.
I have a new primary care physician. I went to see her, tell her about my conditions and what generally life is like for me. That’s when she says, “A lot of people with MS are able to do pretty much everything in their lives, why can’t you?”
If ignorance were music, you’d be the national orchestra, doc.