Today I went to the hospital to pick up my test results.
I opened the blood tests first because I suspected there wouldn’t be much to be afraid of on that front. And as I suspected, everything was normal. Great.
So off to the MRI results. I started reading, I read again, and I reread, in confusion, amazement… in disbelief. And then I was completely stoked. There are no new lesions. None. Zero. Nothing. Nada. Not in the brain, not in the spinal cord. And nothing lights up after contrast, which means the old lesions aren’t active.
I was thinking how come…? I had one of the most difficult, most stressful years of my life. I’ve been off any meds for over half a year. I was worse off with the meds? What does this even mean? Was it the going back to yoga classes? Was it the trying to stress less at work? Was it the extra vitamin D I got this summer by spending more time at the beach?
But then I thought no more. I take it as it is. I’m not asking any questions until I see a doctor.
I called my mother. She said it’s just my sheer strength. That I’m going to be OK. And I cried tears of joy for the first time in years.
At the start of every school year, the place where I used to have my contemporary dance classes lets you try each of the classes and each of the levels once for free. I stopped dancing in July 2013 when I was diagnosed with endometriosis and told I had to have surgery. The surgery turned out not be necessary but then I went back to college and stayed away from dancing in order not to overdo it and have an MS relapse. With my masters starting two weeks from now looks like it’ll be another two years before I can go back to dancing. But that didn’t stop me from trying one of the classes for free tonight. I thought I’d be completely out of shape, I thought I’d forgotten everything, but the truth is the body has a memory of its own. For one hour today I felt really really happy, like I haven’t been in a long time. Like this is what I was born to do if MS hadn’t got in the way. I felt completely and positively alive. And I hope I can carry this feeling with me for the times to come.
A 61-year-old painter. A 41-year-old runner. A 20-year-old dancer. With nothing much in common but the fact that they’ve all been diagnosed with MS.
But this short documentary is not about MS, about the disease process and how it affects millions of people in different ways. It’s about how you keep going, refusing to let go of who you are. It’s about resilience and willpower. And it’s beautiful.
2015 hasn’t really kicked off the best way, with me catching a cold that put everything I have to do this month on hold, and then stressing and freaking out because time is running out. But since I don’t want my blog to turn into a wailing wall, I thought I’d share some videos that have inspired me lately. Continue reading