So this was the day, four years ago, when I heard the words that changed my life.
I’m not going to write a huge post about how these past four years have been for me (kind of hard). I’m just going to say I finally realized my MS is not Voldemort and I actually started saying out loud that I have it. Of course I don’t go around introducing myself “Hi, I’m Sónia and I have MS” – and of course work is also a different story – but in specific contexts, like when I met a physical therapist and asked for her number (because I have MS and who knows if one day I may need you), or when I tried to explain the lady at the drug store I can’t just take anything for insomnia and/or depression (because I have MS and it might interfere), it makes sense that I stop hiding and being ashamed. It’s just a fact, not a judgment. I have MS.
I’m also glad that even though I changed in many aspects, I haven’t lost sight of who I am. It’s inevitable to change when you’re faced with a condition like MS. Some changes you make consciously, some changes the disease makes for you and you only realize later on, but you’re bound to change. Still, I’ve managed to keep the core of what makes me who I am mostly untouched, through all the damage, the angry words, the sorrow in my heart and the scar tissue in my brain that just won’t heal itself no matter how much I pray. In this way, MS can’t tame me. I will be fiercely holding on to what I feel makes me human – to my essence. That’s what I’ll be celebrating tonight. And who knows, in the end, even Voldemort was defeated.