Reconnection

I am one very skeptical young lady, and maybe that’s why I try everything I can – I hope I will find something I can finally stop being skeptical about. On the other hand, when people ask me “Have you tried…” I can say yes and not let them bother me anymore. I find most of the things I try can only produce momentary relief, and they mostly relieve symptoms, while letting causes pretty much untouched.

That doesn’t mean that I cease to practice them or use them – most of the days I’ll just be glad if I can successfully manage my symptoms, so it’s great. And it doesn’t mean that I will stop trying new things. So that’s what I did last month.

The first time I heard about reconnective healing my therapist had just gone through some sessions. She was exhilarated with the results. She said she’d felt one of her vertebrae move during one of the sessions. She said that afterward some things in her life started flowing like they were supposed to.

I researched online but didn’t go very far. The only thing I understood was that no one knows exactly how reconnection works but apparently it is very successful in restoring your energetic balance and putting your energies in place.

Some time later my therapist talked about this again and told me she had trained with Dr. Pearl himself to become a certified practitioner and asked me if I wanted to give it a try. Yeah, I’m all for new experiences. Besides, she told me all I had to do was to lie with my eyes closed and not worry about anything. I can’t think of anything better than just lie down and try to relax after a long day of work. So for our next three sessions that’s what I did. To be honest I don’t know what she did because I kept my eyes closed and there is no touching involved. For whatever’s worth she might have spent the whole time doing crossword puzzles or doing interpretative dance like a lunatic. But I don’t think that’s what happened because… I actually felt weird things going on.

Being a skeptical, of course parts of me scream that it wasn’t but suggestion. I had been warned I could feel all sorts of things, and having an overactive imagination there’s a chance I just made up some things in my head. But there was the feeling my right leg was being pulled, the feeling under my chest that suddenly I had nothing below me and I was going to fall, and the persistent feeling on the top of my head like I had a cold air current going in and through. How weird are these, right? It’s like someone was really manipulating, replacing, redistributing energies.

But then – and this is where things get disappointing – nothing happened. I was told to be aware of changes in my life because reconnection is good at unblocking areas of your life that need to flow normally. I was specifically told that those would be things that needed change, and not that I wanted to change, which really doesn’t make much sense to me because in my case what I need and what I want are pretty much the same. But the truth is everything’s the same. Everything in my life looks the same and everything inside myself looks and feels the same. I’m still withdrawn, so I don’t know what exactly got reconnected within me. I’m still in conflict with people, so I don’t know what exactly got reconnected with the outside world. I feel sick as always – tired out of my mind, anxious, overwhelmed, and lost.

Still, I’m glad I tried.

But I’m moving on.

Next on my I’m-a-lost-cause agenda will be EMDR. EMDR is a much more conventional therapy – and very effective too. I did a session over a year ago with my previous therapist and it was extremely useful and intense – so useful and intense that I always kept in my mind to explore it further. But I will leave it to another post. I hope you’re all having a good weekend. 🙂

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