New definition of exhaustion

Last Saturday, as I mentioned on my last post, I had to sleep 11 hours out of complete exhaustion. I thought Sunday I would feel refreshed and ready to continue to fight my battles but I ended up sleeping 12 hours. I only left my apartment last weekend to have dinner at my mom’s on Sunday. She said my eyes looked really sleepy but I was in a good mood and the dinner went well. Monday morning I didn’t hear the alarm because I was in a such a deep sleep. When I finally got up, I went to the kitchen first and then went to the bathroom. I have a vague memory of a feeling of nausea taking over my body and then the lights went out. I passed out.

This was probably caused by low blood pressure. I usually have low blood pressure and spending most of the weekend in bed probably didn’t help. But what I find funny is that I woke up, and as I didn’t know where I was or what happened, I let myself blackout a second time. This to me became a new definition of exhaustion – when you let yourself lose consciousness because trying to figure out where you are and what happened is such an effort you don’t even try. I was actually quite comfortable with my system shutting down. Losing consciousness is apparently the only way to make sure I don’t worry about anything. It’s the only way my mind actually takes some time off. Because even when I’m sleeping I’m in such distress. Last week one night I dreamed I was being stalked and another night I dreamed I was trying to kill myself. Last night I dreamed I was running because I had witnessed a crime and they were after me. It involved running down endless flights of stairs and finally trying to escape on a motorcycle (never drove one in my entire life). I haven’t been watching movies or TV (no time for that) so I don’t think that could be an influence. But I can’t figure out my subconscious agenda either.

When I woke up the second time I managed to get up. I realized I had bruises on my knees, shoulder and face. I also cut my lip. I think I literally fell on my face. Had it been more serious, I wonder what it could have happened to me. I live by myself, so how long it would have taken for someone to help me if I could not do it myself? Better not even think about it.

Supposedly, my psychiatrist took me off escitalopram and put me on Prozac to help me be more “up”. When I first started reading about MS, I learned that Prozac is one of three drugs sometimes prescribed to help with fatigue. I don’t know what Prozac is doing, but I’m certainly not more “up” and I’m certainly not less tired. I don’t think that was the deal.

Speaking of meds, I finally know what my new MS drug is going to be, after failed attempts with Avonex and Copaxone. It’s still going to take a while before I start, but I will sure keep you posted.

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “New definition of exhaustion

  1. I hope in time the meds start working better producing better chemicals in your brain. I know it can take a while, but I also know that we end up like lab rats trying out meds because so many don’t help.
    I’m sorry you passed out. Living alone must make fainting extra-distressing. I heard of a pendant for emergency calls when people fall or pass out. I have a fainting disorder (POTS) and I’m thinking of looking into it. Any thoughts?

    Hope you get some restful sleep soon.
    Take care of yourself.

    Like

    1. I never heard of anything like that, and I’m not sure it is available in my country. But if it were, I’d definitely consider it. We need all the help we can get in taking care of ourselves. That should be our priority.

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s